the notion of Yesteryear and the ambivalent sentiment it illicits: nostalgia as the amalgamation of the sentiments of grief and belonging

it seems that the notion of Yesteryear has of late established itself in pop culture as the base descriptor of all things hip. if it's not retro, then "please, don't wear THAT!!!" and what i wonder is this: why this fascination with vintage clothing? why the popularity of so many bands (e.g., belle and sebastian) who either forsake the technological capabilities of recording and mixing equipment which is now available or -- WORSE -- who use up-to-date equipment and then proceed to downgrade the audio quality of their songs in order to achieve the 'oldies' sound?

i discovered a book on this phenomenon of Yesteryear called The Artificial Kindom: On the Kitsch Experience by Celeste Olalquiaga. Here's a description from amazon:

"...Celeste Olalquiaga offers a meditative look at the origins of kitsch and what kitsch tells us about the conflicts between the real and the artificial, tradition and modernity, nostalgia and melancholy. Olalquiaga artfully traces this form to the mid-1800s and establishes kitsch as a sensibility of loss-a yearning for objects to help recapture the past-and explains how these artifacts respond to a deep-seated human need for meaning and connection with nature. The Artificial Kingdom beautifully elucidates this aspect of culture as an attempt to recover what industrialization has destroyed."

so it sems this all has something to do with the two feelings which compose the notion of "nostalgia": belonging and grief. for those of us who have fond memories of our childhoods, the concept of Yesteryear is comforting. it triggers memories of waking on summer mornings to dew-drenched stawberry patches needing inspection for newly-ripened fruit, of countless hours of performing waterfalls from monkeybars and pennydrops from swinging trapeezes, of fort-building and popsicle-making and softball-playing. here the nostalgia is a positive emotion. ...but nostalgia is also a negative emotion. the memory of Yesteryear can also elicit a feeling of loss, of grief for that which is in the past and can no longer be relived. we are unable to bring back the good times, and it seems times these days are harder than they used to be; we long for the 'good ol' days.' there are also regrets, painful memories, 'what ifs.' ...so nostalgia includes both a positive and a negative component. which leads to ambivalence. why would people place themselves in a place of ambivalence? ...this is my question.

it just struck me that earlier today i was telling a friend how confused i sometimes feel as to how to handle the memories of losing someone i loved to a heart attack nearly three years ago. re-entering those memories for the sake of continued grief and continued celebration of this person's life seems to be important. but it's draining. ...good draining though. it helps makes sense of things. ...i guess maybe this all has something to do with the search for meaning. obviously the past is not the source of all things meaningful, but a synthesis of the things we've experienced in our lifetimes seems to be necessary for some reason or another. as the anniversary of mike's death approaches again, i plan not to supress the memories of Yesteryear as they give rise to the emotional ambivalence of nostalgia. grief seemed so intuitive in the early days. all you have to do is cry and be with each other. no one expects or requires anything more of you. but now even though every once in a while the trauma still feels like icy rain in my chest, the shock has worn off and my body is warm again. and i guess a hauting trauma of the past is important to remember as part of the story of our lives. but perhaps this year's rememberances are to be less about the trauma of death and more a temporary entrance into nostalgia, followed by a timely exit. afterall, nostalgic sentiment quickly becomes tacky, but for an appropriate amount of time it is lifegiving. so an entrance into nostalgia, a celebrative reminiscence of m's life? somehow i think i need this, even if just for a minute.

in order to end on a lighter note, here are a few versions of the game 'pong' for old times' sake (even though i was too young for this to be part of my childhood...it's still kitschy!)

http://www.worldofkitsch.com/interactive/games/pong.html (this one's more like the original atari game, though a bit difficult to play online.)

http://www.puzzlechoice.com/pc/Radial_Pongx.html (this one's more elaborate (2D!) and quite fun, though not as much in the spirit of the original pong.)

p.s. pink and purple were my absolute most favoritests colors when i was five. now that's kitschy.