number 2, latest object of my affection

i have been waiting for this day for a long two months. "what about this day is so special?" you ask, to which i respond with this: "it is for two reasons that i have waited these two long months. the first is has to do with the proper functioning of my home internet connection. i could further comment on the gritty details, but for the sake of preserving my current state of peaceful ease as well as for the well-being of my readers, i will refrain and simply be grateful that a formerly tumultous relationship with sbc has been reconciled to a state of health as of this afternoon.

the second reason to celebrate today is the relief i feel between myself and Christ. perhaps this season of frustration and waiting with my internet connection is somehow related to the season i've been experiencing in my interactions with god (not really, but just work with me here). i rejected god for a season for reasons of cynicism, disillusionment, fear. it has something to do with needing to trust, to which dietrich bonhoeffer speaks:

there is hardly one of us who has not known what it is to be betrayed. the figure of judas, which we used to find so difficult to understand, is now fairly familiar to us. the air that we breathe is so polluted by mistrust that it almost chokes us. but where we have broken through a layer of mistrust, we have been able to disvoer a confidence hitherto undreamed of. where we trust, we have learnt to put our very lives into the hands of others; in the face of all the different interpretations that have been put on our lives and actions, we have learnt to trust unreservedly. we now know that only such confidence, which is always a venture, though a glad and positive venture, enables us really to live and work. we know that it is most reprehensible to sow and encourage mistrust, and that our duty is rather to foster and strengthen confidence wherever we can. trust will always be one of the greatest, rarest, and happiest blessings of our life in community, though it can emerge only on the dark background of a necessary mistrust. we have learnt never to trust a scoundrel an inch, but to give ourselves to the trustworthy without reserve.

...i will not go into further detail here, but i seem to have to decided to trust that the cynicism, disillusionment and fear are much better sorted through from within the context of trust...trust in Christ -- intimate, throbbing, fleshly. it is from this context that i will now attempt to operate. Christ, continue to come in the flesh. i long for you... who are you anyway? (i wonder who the best authors on Christ are...)