12.07.2004

orange-heads

my friend gave me some orange-heads this afternoon. i think they were supposed to help me feel better because i'm sick, but i'm not sure of the nutritional value of orange-heads. is there such thing as imitation vitamin C? ...anway, regarding life decisions, this is what i think:

1. there is no need for a girl to push herself to either despair or panic when the unknown obscures and fades what would otherwise be a bright consciousness. control is an illusion anyway, so what's the point in trying to white-knuckle grip her agenda?
2. watch wide-eyed for what blooms, because flowers do.... (some have a timing all different than she would expect, but they still do.)
"be still and know that i am god."
and this too: "it just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride. everything, everything will be just fine. everything, everything will be all right, all right." ~jimmy eat world, "in the middle"~
i. but first, it is absolutely necessary for her to ask the questions that will bring her life, i.e., what does it mean? who am i? where am i going? etc. wrestle, spin, demand. her longing for things to be the best they can be should never be compromised, and the pain when these longings aren't fulfilled must be entered. in the end, her longings will be wholly fulfilled; this is our hope. in the meantime, this pain is the first step of a two-step process (for second step, see above).


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