checked out

someone recently told me that i have a tendency to check out in conversation. and i realized i do it a lot. i might even describe my conversational style as flighty, which strikes me as so odd because this is the farthest thing from the way i operate internally! (i hate leaving loose ends; i always want to fill in all the gaps with the appropriate details; i have a good sense for the rhythm of a conversation.) so why do i do it? for protection, of course. i guess i'm afraid that the conversation could go in the wrong direction or we could just miss each other as we speak or we might not know how to respond ...and so i apologize to all of you with whom i've checked out, changed the topic, told a funny story, moved on to someone else's conversation, been distant. give me some time and some reminders and hopefully you'll see me grow and become present, consistent and open.