day 3: notes

and so begins 'day 3.' (these 'days' advance in a manner similar to that of the changing seasons, except in this case the changes are internal. perhaps they are seasons of the soul). i think of my thoughts and emotions as confetti in my brain and heart. i often extract them onto post-it notes and suspend these colorful representations of my interior state on the wall... or the back of my door if they're too personal to be on public display. ...here is some of the confetti from today, this day, this third day:

i'm going to new york! a good friend needs a travel companion for her and her baby, so i'm helping out with the travel and getting a free week in new york!! i want to spend an entire day in the City by myself, i love being alone in the city. of course, i'll spend a good bit of it in new jersey with 'my people' too.

my heart physically hurt today. i was getting worried. maybe i slept wrong last night and made my muscles sore. i feel better now anyway.

i started writing a poem today. the line 'bubbles rise to the surface as my heart in underwater realm exhales' was the initial line.

i visited the 'butterfly garden' today. random factoid: butterflies taste with their feet. one of the blue butterflies was following me around, or at least i like to think she was. is that narcissistic of me? no, perhaps just a romantic notion.

my roommate and i are really good for each other. she makes me laugh and i make her ponder.

i ate chocolate today. dark chocolate, reeses chocolate, semi-sweet chocolate chips. today was a good day.

i've decided the intellect is necessary, though i've been afraid of it in the past due to its misuse. enlightenment is one of the most freeing experiences one can have, and it is necessary to take on the burden of intellectual thought in order to come to this enlightenment; however, there is an intellect that is cowardly and self-indulgent, and this is an upsetting misuse.

do i really want to be ordained? in what denomination? or would i rather work in community development? or clinical social work? ...could i ever survive at harvard divinity school?? crazy people.

i noted today that in the past few months, i've calmed down and become more committed to my close friends instead of perpetually flitting off. a good sign, wouldn't you say?

i realized i need inspiration (one form of which is girl-talk, ugh), which seems mushy for someone who wants to be prepared to take care of herself in a big world. one of my greatest fears is getting scammed by an auto mechanic because i look like someone who could be scammed, so i'm told. so i recently considered trying to get a job at the ada hardward shop just so i could learn more 'handiman' skills. my roommate pointed out that this was rather stupid of me to worry about since we've found an auto mechanic that we've grown to love and trust (yahoo for Skip!); that's why we find people we can trust -- so we don't have to know everything! ...and anyway, i decided that it's best to pursue a nurturing AND intelligent lifestyle, fostering both a healthy interior for the soul's flourishment and also the opportunity for exposure to and discernment of the 'real world,' which is necessary for responsible participation in society.

stories are good for me. i watched entirely too much television last night, including two episodes of 'everybody loves raymond,' two episodes of 'that seventies show,' two episodes of 'seinfeld' and four episodes of 'friends,' summing to five hours of television. all this to say that stories -- even occasionally in the form of sitcoms -- are good for me, though films are my favorite way to participate in stories; to this form of story i commit myself from this day forth. ...and don't worry, i was reading a primer on morality as i watched my five hours of television, lest you worry that the kristin you know and love has been lost to the great abyss.