europe

it's true. i'm going to europe this summer. i've always wanted to go, and now i am. and, boy, am i giddy.

:: the players ::
:: me :: determined little me. determined to travel. and determined to enjoy every mintue of it.
:: adam :: college friend. adam and i have been friends since, one sunday afternoon, we talked at great length over dining hall "chicken" fingers (i say "chicken" in quotes because we never really believed they were made out of real chicken). ...by our senior year, adam and i were in fourth semester calculus and taking turns going to this 8am class. chicken fingers and calculus are the two pillars of a successful friendship, i tell you!
:: steve :: 28-year-old coworker known for his interest in issues of justice, for his flourishing manner of speech and for his teal lunchbox packed predictably with leftovers from the previous evening's dinner, an apple and one unpeeled carrot (exceptions include regular trips to Bangkok Taste for Peanut Curry).
:: paul :: steve's younger brother who, steve points out, is "my age." currently lives in kzoo while working and attending community college.

:: the locales ::
:: amsterdam :: a cheap place to fly into. we'll spend half a day here before heading for northwestern germany.
:: bad bentheim :: in northwestern germany, bad bentheim is the name of a city and site of the Bentheim Castle. adam's last name is "benthem" and derives from the name "bentheim." a stop in bad bentheim for the sake of legacy, family history, photo ops and boasting rights for adam.
:: berlin :: from there we'll head to berlin. hopefully adam's nanny from when he was young we'll be touring with us and translating, since none of us know any german. we'll visit the Berlin Wall, of course, and explore some castles outside the city. we'll also take time to enjoy watching a game of the World Cup at a local pub.
:: warsaw :: plans still in the works. any pointers??
:: geneva :: the plan is to do an overnight hike in the alps. it'll be the right time of year to sleep outside and quiet retreat after time in amsterdam, berlin and warsaw.
:: paris :: the cornerstone of our trip. we'll spend 5 nights with my friend and her sister who live just outside of paris. i've been practicing my french laugh "haw, haw, haw." i'm not very good at it though. maybe i should redirect my efforts toward learning the basics of the french language. this would probably go over better with the locals :)
:: london :: one or two nights in hostel with room during the day to explore the city.

did i mention i'm giddy with excitement?!?!

sprained knee = Fifth Third River Bank 5K

i just finished registering for the Fifth Third River Bank 5K. May 13th is the big day.

today, i'm nursing a sore knee. okay, i might have exaggerated in my blog title when i referred to my knee as "sprained" ...it's really something more like "not quite right and i'm limping a wee bit, but mostly i just feel queasy from the feeling of popping//cracking coming from behind my knee." gross. i don't think knees were ever meant to do gymnastics or play hockey. no one ever told me. ..but not to worry. i should be fine by this weekend.

anyway, i started running again back in the beginning of April. it took me a few weeks to get into the swing of things. i mostly ran until i couldn't breathe anymore and my skin felt like it was melting off my face. i get very flushed when i exercise, except this one little spot beneath my left(?) nostril that stays completely white. how bizarre. but, like i said, i eventually got into the swing of things and am now running like the little train that could. except the limp. but trains don't limp, so you'll notice that the analogy breaks down.

so who's coming to cheer me on?

in other news, i've been working on a summer book list/film list. i plan to post my reactions and reviews as i work my way through the list. so be prepared for some great summertime education! thursday night films will resume in july.

that's all for now. until next time...

lost and found for the soul, part 2

one day several months ago, i decided it would be good brain exercise to eat with my left hand. improve coordination, workout the right side of my brain, rehearse my theatrics in case i should ever find myself called upon to impersonate a left-handed person -- the typical stuff. so i started holding my fork in my left hand. and it's been habit ever since. ...people can change, i tell you. people can change.

so today has been the longest, most stressful day ever. well, it could be longer. but not more stressful. work stress. ...and so i came home from work, and i'll i've been able to do is play the guitar and sing along in my best possible singing voice (this is how i cope with stress -- with music, i mean). ...and i'm trying to break my bad singing habits -- you know, sing with my "good" voice, not my "bad" voice -- but it doesn't seem to be so easy a habit to change as eating with my right or left hand. my apologies to renae and the girls who live downstairs. and maybe the neighbors.

on a related but different note, i should mention that today was yet another day in a long string of too-busy days. i still feel like my soul is lost somewhere inside my head, and i'd really like to have it back. do you know what i mean? ...i'll need to relax. tomorrow night i need to relax, to recover my soul. except i'm not good at relaxing. i wish everything could go up in flames. then i'd be left with only my soul and nothing to make me lose it.

...The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
And you shed not a single tear
for the things that you didn't need
Cause you knew you were finally free...
from "Your Heart Is an Empty Room" by Death Cab for Cutie

lost and found for the soul

all i hear is a muffled dog's bark and a car in need of muffler repairs. i'm alone in my apartment, and i'm glad for the relative silence.

it's been an exhausting couple of weeks. i've been on the go without much time to rest. do you know what happens when you don't rest? you forget you have a soul. but more on that later. ...first, the basics of my past two weeks:

-i finished my semester as a professor at GVSU. ...there are no more papers to grade, and i couldn't be happier about it. -i went to Florida for the Easter weekend to visit a friend and, while i was there, ran 4 miles instead of 3...by accident. i meant to run 3, but i missed the 1.5-mile turn-around and ended up running 4 miles instead. ...one of the few times absentmindedness turned out to be good for me.

-i attended the Calvin College Festival of Faith and Writing this weekend. absolutely delightful. i went in thinking i'd learn the "how to's" of writing, but it really felt more like i was basking in the pleasant and shocking words, personalities and beliefs of the various speakers. yes, i came away not with writing assignments but with a booklist. but when i think about my writing and what it will take to make it good or at least better, i think reading well-written literature is a great starting point, along with consistent writing exercises.

one thing i did realize :: the more i write, the less i worry about what people think. writing has the ability to drown out my worries and insecurities, because when with people, instead of worrying and feeling insecure, i'm busy paying attention to little details of their character and our surroundings. instead of squinting into the bright light of their expectations or -- more likely -- my own expectations of me, my worries and insecurities are filtered out as if by sunglasses, and i am safe enough to freely take in and respond to the wonders of the world around me.

-i took my sister's senior pix today. we digressed into a session of Photos with Sass at one point...and here is a result of our di...well, several results of our diversion...












isn't she gorgeous??






and now a bit more on "if you don't rest, you forget you have a soul." ...let me start by saying that i'm probably the world's worst person at relaxing. i mean, i know it's good for me to relax, but i find it exceedingly difficult. i'd rather be productive. ...i recently had a conversation with a friend about how i'm afraid that, should i ever find myself on a honeymoon, i'd be bored. i know, i know. this is an obviously ridiculous thing to worry about. i assure you, i'm not honestly worried about figuring out what to do on a honeymoon. but my point is that i'm seriously bad at relaxing.

and then i was thinking... sleep is one very important form of relaxing. i've heard sleep be compared with death; each night of sleep is a little death and each morning a new birth. i'd take this further and say that it's the soul that dies and is born every evening and morning. the death and rebirth of the soul, every night and every morning. we lose our souls when we move too quickly from day to day, not allowing time for God to be God while we cease productivity, desire and will to act.

Modern Man [Is] in Search of a Soul? Well, to Jung I say that it's because Modern Man is sleep deprived. And that makes me a very Modern Man at the moment, a Modern Man in Search of my Soul.

So to sleep I must go. Good night.

CURRENTLY READING :: Walter Brueggeman The Covenanted Self [just completed]. Fyodor Dostoevsky The Brothers Karamazov. Anne Lamott Bird by Bird. Salman Rushdie Midnight's Children.

harold and the two cynicisms

his name is harold. harold is a cynic.

now, before i delve into the details of his cynical nature, i must first mention that harold is a colleague of mine. together, we teach in the physics department of a medium-sized state univeristy. harold and i first bonded over a diffusion pump, vacuum chamber and some copper powder. ...you see, back in my undergrad days at Calvin (all of 2 years ago) i studied the flash evaporation of magnetic materials. and you're thinking "blah, blah, blah. evaporation-FOvaporation, i have no idea what she's talking about!!!" but bear with me. the point is that harold, it seems, is also studying evaporation-FOvaporation. and so we bonded. ...i have to say, this was the first diffusion pump over which i've bonded.

now to the cynicism. okay, so -- pardon the stereotype -- but when you think of the cynicism of a scientist, what immediately comes to mind? i don't know about you, but i think of someone who believes in the salvific capacity of science and the inevitable progress of mankind marching toward a better future. his hope is in science.

(this is an unfair stereotype, i know. reminiscent of the religious scene, fundamentalists scientists -- there is undoubtably such a thing! -- raise their voices louder and more abrasively than the majority of the rest, and the rest lose fair representation.)

but, still, no one would be shocked to find that a scientist believed strongly in his own discipline. and expectations would remain intact upon finding that the aforementioned scientist might even believe so strongly in science that he would discretist the validity of religion or faith. and so he is cynical toward religion. this is the first cynicism.

but harold, it seems, is a cynic of a different sort. this is the second cynicism. it is not religion toward which he is cynical, but it is toward science. to harold, years of science have left him all too aware of its limitations, of the pretention of man's attempts to save himself via technology, of the injustice of deluding our youths as we hail the saving powers of science.... and he's lost hope in science.

...he's lost his hope in science. yes, yes, science cannot save us; hope in science is not the answer. but neither is a loss of hope in general. and this is perhaps where my dear harold is left. "Everything is meaningless. Everything is meaningless," he kept saying. the treacherous underbelly of science has shipwrecked him, leaving him stranded in a postmodern chaos, purposelessness and hopelessness -- and nervously watching and waiting to see if faith will sail in to save him.

the hope is that divine revelation//supernatural intervention would offer hope to the human race, which is unable to save itself through science. a recovering scientist will -- in his full maturity -- allow for the irrationality of supernatural intervention and even depend on the supernatural for his salvation, but at the same time will not discredit the human role in the ordering of the universe. the story goes that God intervened in human history, giving hope and purpose to humanity. and so there is meaning. there is drama. there is hope.

but with harold, the verdict on hope is still out.

for what it's worth, here's a picture of some diffusion pumps. can somebody say evaporation-FOvaporation?!?!

my computer has a loose screw and so do i

i have to get this off my chest up front. no loitering in front of the cornerstore, no beating around the bush, no mumbling under my breath. because the truth is [ahem] ...yes, the truth is [Ahemhem] ...well, i caused my computer to lose a screw somewhere inside. you heard me right. my computer has a loose screw.

this weekend i spent time completely deconstructing my g3 ibook. i stripped it almost down to the frame.

the goal? to replace the cd-rw/dvd-rom. and was i ever successful! people, i'm good at these things!

well, with the exception of the screw i dropped somewhere inside. i'll have to go back and take the whole thing apart sometime soon. but in the meantime, everything seems to be working like a charm, no one got hurt, and we're proceeding as normal.

it was the highlight of my weekend.

okay, i'm kidding. but i do have some highlights i'd light to mention:

-i painted my fingernails bright red with a gold glimmer. they look gorgeous! gorgeous like a 50s diner vinyl barstool.
-i went running friday, but it turned to be more walking than running. my body just wasn't cooperating. how frustrating! ...and then i see this man, and he's jogging full-speed down the other side of the road. keep in mind i'm still panting, and i'm undoubtedly bright red from exertion. and i'm thinking to myself, "Is this necessary?! Here I am struggling to put one foot in front of the other, and here's this guy prancing past. People, I can barely breathe here!!" ...but this stranger surprised me with a pep talk as he ran past on the other side of the road, yelling, "Cheers, sister." ...and i love it. What solidarity!
-I read several chapters of Marvin L. Wilson's "Our Father Abraham." And can I say that Marvin is my guy?! Try this:

For nearly two thousand years Christianity has been debtor to the Jewish people for sharing [a] rich legacy. But it is tragic to realize that many Christians have avoided the Old Testament as a matter of 'benign neglect.' ...This kind of warped thinking may be traced, at least in part, to the curricula or Christian colleges and theological seminaries (108).

Yes!! And he talks about the severing of relationship between Church and Synagogue not long after the ascension of Yeshua. And he works through a Philosophy of Judaism. And he deals with biblical texts from the historical and cultural contexts in which they were written; I'll never read the Bible the same, even after all the teachings of Rob Bell and Ray VanderLaan. ...do you think Marvin would help me start my own seminary? that really is my life goal...a seminary without systematic theology...a seminary that gives proper place to our Jewish roots...

-I played the piano. R is dog-sitting for a family in EGR. I've been helping out with Gracie the Golden Retriever and playing the piano in the meantime. This weekend's performances included "Linus and Lucy," "Axel F" (theme song from "Beverly Hills Cop") and an inspirational improvisation on the grandfather clock's chime. I also included a little Beethoven, Mozart, Bach, Rachmaninoff, Chopin, etc.
-While I'm on the topic of music, I should mention that I played ethan's electronic wurlitzer to one of bob's latest musical compositions. what a crazy piece o vintage machine!!
-i prayed a lot. lent has changed me. which means i've had a lot of work to do respond to the changes happening in me. so i prayed a lot.
-what a head and neckache! i thought my head was going to fall off my neck during church tonight. maybe i have a few screws loose in that head-neck region of my body. ...and so with that, i'll put myself and my kinked neck to sleep in hopes of feeling rested in the morning.

Farewell until next time.