7.22.2005

noteworthy

i smell rain.

tonight i gained a friend back.

a summer evening's rain doesn't choke me with evaporation off asphalt, dirt and plant leaves, but is mild; it is simply rain falling from rainclouds.

the messy situation is still messy...

i also smell the freshly-laundered blanket from my childhood that is wrapped around me.

...but the main points got cleared up.

tonight i made homemade butter pecan ice cream and ate it as i watched the rain slide down my window pane and flow down my street.


i'll remember tonight well because i have regained something that mattered to me, and because i took in the smell of rain.

notable mentions for the week...

tonight i watched 'Roman Holiday' starring Audrey Hepburn. she is absolutely classic.

a Statement on 'Classic': it strikes me that a simple love story such as 'Roman Holiday' is hailed as 'classic,' while today's release is considered a 'chick flick' and 'cliche' if it is at all straightforward and simple. granted there are plenty of quality exceptions (take Before Sunset and Spanglish as two recent examples). but the problem is that these films are, as i said, the exception. in their place, the majority of love stories on our Blockbuster shelves seem always to be pushing the envelope of normalcy farther and farther from anything that makes any sense. it's like not only has our world become more complicated, but we've twisted this complexity into all shapes and sizes until we're left with a twisted hunk of color and material that is beautiful as an artform, for sure, but so grotesquely distorted that we believe the process of distortion is the point, forgetting that it was a real world we were describing in the first place. ...one of the characters always has to to be serving time in a straightjacket, and characters never even make an attempt to work throught their issues. it's assumed that everyone is okay just as they are, straightjacket and all.

other notables from this week:
-ani difranco concert at Frederik Meijer Gardens
-homemade butter pecan ice cream
-"12 Angry Men" with Henry Fonda

7.17.2005

indulgent chronicles

monday:
***worked lunch at the restaurant and end up bartending because our bartender got sick and went home. i remember wishing i could bartend back when i was younger, because bartenders aren't intimidated by anything. they have an air of authority that everyone respects, and i wanted that. i suppose bartending has been a help to me in developing this quality.
***prepared a polish dinner with friends. it was so hot and we were laboring so hard (picture me kneading dough on my kitchen countertop) that i broke an all-out sweat. the only time you'd hear me say i'm feeling like a farmwife and loving every mintue of it. the perogies were my favorite part...with wild blueberries tucked inside!

tuesday:

***won $20 while at a training for work. what for, you ask? for correctly identifying the movie soundtrack from 'napolean dynamite.'
***began the 'spring cleaning' my roommate and i are undertaking, having just signed a new year-long lease.
***met with documentary director to discuss the project we're working on.
***and more work at the restaurant.

wednesday:

***shopped with roommate for house items. can i just say Wolrd Market is one of my most favorites ever.
***worked the bar for a rehersal dinner.

thursday:

***wrote cover letter for Editorial Internship.
***ran errands to the post office and video store.
***went with some sudanes friends to the grocery store and cooked dinner with them...or rather taught them how to cook hamburgers on the grill, as their mom is in the hospital. the liitle girl taught me all sorts of words and phrases in dinka, such as 'yin ca leec,' which means 'thank you.' discovered that they hate hussein because he treated their people terribly; in comparison, coming to the States has changed their lives for the better. and so -- despite the desire of many to return one day to their homeland to live and work or perhaps only to visit -- i discovered that my sudanese friends are more patriotic than am i.

friday (
felt like two days wrapped all into one):
***worked at 6:30 am and again at 6pm.
***in between, i ran out to Holland for a meeting with an owner of a Christian media company called Hemline Creative Group. It was a good meeting but I'm not sure it went anywhere. ...Holland's layout is so poor that i get lost in its jungled roads and highways everytime i'm there.

saturday:

***cleaned house
***worked at restaurant and made billions. well, practically.

sunday:

***went for run with brother and -- for the first time in my life -- managed to tire him out!
***realized how content i've been not to be seeing a guy i'd been seeing, as he's very difficult to deal with.
***church.
***watched 'The Apostle' with friends. how disturbing! the only part i liked was the scene i'd acted in for a film class. jessie: 'sonny, i just want out.' sonny: 'out of what? this marriage?' jessie: 'yes.' ...sonny: 'i don't want anyone messing with me or my babies, especially not some puny-assed youth minister....'
***stayed up till 3.30am with a friend who needed it.

7.07.2005

Africans on Africa: Debt

As the G8 Summit is held in Scotland this week, the BBC is looking at African problems through African eyes each day this week. As Africa is a prime disussion topic of the Summit, it is unsettling to me that it is not represeted there. Today's topic is that of Debt, and Ugandan radio journalist Andrew Mwenda offers his thoughts. I've included the link below, but here is an excerpt:

If you forgive bad debts it teaches bad lessons, creating a culture of defaulting. That's certainly exactly what happened with Uganda. In 1998 Uganda was forgiven its debts through the Highly Indebted Poor Countries Initiative. As a consequence, government indulged itself in very luxurious expenditure - increasing the size of Parliament - and invaded Congo and Sudan. And not only that, it went on a renewed borrowing spree and today, seven years later, Uganda's debt has more than doubled and now it is unsustainable.
**
Parliament is so foreign aid-dependent that even the chairs and desks are funded by Denmark.
**
And worse, with so much of our country's budget in the hands of the foreign aid donors, the power of Ugandan voters to hold our government to account has been usurped by international creditors - precisely because he who pays the piper calls the tune.
**
If only foreign aid could be shifted from lining corrupt politicians' and bureaucrats' pockets to developing private enterprise, then Africa would have hope.
**
**
for the rest of the Africa on Africa articles, including articles on Governance, Colonialism and Conflict, see the right side of the screen at the top of the link posted above.

learnings from "A New Kind of Christian" by Brian McLaren:

1. worldviews as models:
We must adventure into other worldviews to experience help sort out what in ours is affecting our faith, e.g. the Copernican Revolution: 'To really get the impact of how different the medieval model was, we could imagine what would happen if we could take two of you students - let's say you, there, and you, over there -- and send you back into the fifteenth century. Nobody could possibly believe that you could be Christians. Of course, first there would be obvious cultural issues -- for example, even a medieval prostitue wouldn't have been seen in public dressed like you.... But on a deeper level, if you told them you didn't believe in the pope and you didn't accept that kings ruled by divine right and you didn't believe that God created a universe consisting of concentric spheres of ascending perfection, and if you let it slip that you agreed with Copernicus that the earth rotated around the sun, you would surely be tried as heretics and perhaps burned at the stake.... To the Christian culture of medival Europe, none of you today could be considered real Christians. ...C.S. Lewis suggested that our modern view itself is not the absolute, ultimate truth, that it is not the ultimate viewpoint but rather just a 'view from a point.' ...Entering the medieval model enables us to see our own modern model of the universe' (34). '

2. on biblical interpretation:
'When [right-wing] evangelicals say they're arguing about the Bible's absolute authority, too often they are arguing about the superiority of the traditional grid through which they read and interpret the Bible' (49). Examples of situations in which these right-wing evangelicals don't take the Bible literally: they don't condone women for wearing jewelry or having a short haircut as Paul might; they don't practice polygamy as did David and Solomon. Instead, they have a 'grid of decency that keeps them from applying the Bible literally in these situations' (49).

3. so you think i'm a televangelist? evangelism and the Kingdom of God:
Probably the best reponse is to agree that we've made mistakes and say no more. McLaren says, 'I think some Christians use Jesus as a shortcut to being right. In the proces they bypass becoming ...wise. They figure if they say 'Jesus' enough, it guarantees they won't be stupid. ...[So] if people reject Jesus when they hear some half-baked would-be evangelist strutting his stuff..., I don't think they're really rejecting Jesus. They're rejecting the arrogance, ignorance, and bad taste of the preacher' (65).

And the alternative model for evangelism could be called mission (156). And missoin would look like this: 'Instead of conquest, instead of coercive rational argument or an emotionally intimidating sales pitchor an imposing crusade or an agressive debating contest where we hope to 'win' them to Christ, I think of it like a dance. you know, in a dance, nobody wins and nobody loses. Both parties listen to the music and try to move with it. In this case, I hear the music of the gospel and my friend doesn't, so I try to help him hear it and move with it. And like a dance, I have to ask if the other person wants to participate. There's a term for pulling someone who doesn't want to dance into a dance: assault. But if you pull someone in who wants to learn, and if you're good with the music yourself, it can be a lot of fun!' (62).

Taking the idea of mission to its fullest, the missional Christian would think along these lines: 'I dont' even think of [people] as Christians or non-Christians. I just think of them as people I love' (103). People are sacred and so are our relationships with them. If we truly value another person, if we truly love them, then we will exist on a two-way street, each learning from the other; should we see them faltering as they try to dance, we believe we have started to learn the dance and so actually have something to offer them, because we love them, and this is the Gospel. During this process, we'll likely spend a lot less time giving packaged answers and a lot more time doing what Jesus might have done, and that is asking provoking questions. We have lost the content of the 'Kingdom of God' terminology, and we must work cleverly to regain the sense of 'a kingdom that transcends all earthbound geography, all human borders...[but] is real,' more real than anything physical (105-7).

4. more on the Kingdom of God:
culte is the French word for 'a religion.' what is the relationship between culte and culture? 'I guess for starters, culte can simply try to serve culture -- you know, kind of like civil religion. ...Somtimes your radio preachers seem so concerned about 'saving America' that you'd think the gospel existed for the sake of American culture. ...Religion can also try to withdraw from culture -- isolate itself and create its own subculture. I suppose the most extreme groups we call 'cults' do this most notoriously; they completely separate themselves and dvelop their own insider language, their own conspiracy theories, their alternative histories, adn as a result we call them cultic. ...Jesus, it seems to me, had a different way -- radically different. He wanted to send his people into the culture with a mission -- not in service to the culture in the senes of helping the culture achieve its own ends but in a kind of divinely subversive way, culte infiltrating culture with the kingdom of God, not trying just to serve it as a civil religion would, but more like trying to redeem it for a higher agenda, God's agenda' (74).

notes:
~'Sometimes I wonder if hell is just what heaven feels like for those who haven't learned in this life what this life is intended to teach. ...We are becoming on this side of the door of death the kind of people we will be on the other side' (91). C.S. Lewis would add this: 'For all find what they truly seek' (92).
~on causality and the problem of evil: the problem is in fact our mechanistic model. 'If a company designs a plane and it crashes due to design failure, we hold the designer liable. Or if a person drives a car drunk and kills a pedestrian, we hold the driver responsible. In both cases, the machine designer or operator is the only sentient being capable of being held responsible. But if a parent raises a child with all appropraite guidance and the child grows up and rejects hisparents' teaching and commits a crime, we don't hodl the parent responsible in the same way' (23-4).

~great philosophical lights of mostmodernism: Heidegger, Foucault, Derrida, Rorty, Rish, Baudrillard. also Polanyi on philosophy of scince.

7.06.2005

hourly update

11:05am:
i woke up this morning just in time to call my auto garage to cancel my car's apointment to have its muffler replaced. i really should get this done as soon as possible, but my financial state is begging me to wait until i rework my job situation. since then, i've spent this last hour reading the news and checking email and generally plunking around cyberspace. notable findings:

check out the BBC's Day In Pictures for today:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/4656041.stm.

Also, there is a new website that monitors human trafficking in southeast asia: Tipinasia.info. Here's an article on the website: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4652803.stm.

4:00pm: so i guess my updates haven't exactly been hourly, but after showering and then removing the array of clothing which had been spilling out from my closet, i began my quest to finish 'a new kind of Christian' by brian mclaren. i've been going at an intense pace all day and have a chapter and a half left. ...will post further thoughts upon completion, should i have time before heading off to work. until then, news stations are now briefing that prez bush, while out bicycling as a break from his work at the g8 summit this week, collided with a local police officer. the president sustained scrapes and bruises and the officer was taken to the hospital as a precautionary measure. so, in all, the damage was minimal. the officer noted that the president was riding at a considerable speed and CNN's news reporter mentioned that it is not the first time that the president has taken a spill while bicycling :o)

5:04pm: well, i'm saving the last five pages of McLaren for tonight when i get home from work. the whole last chapter is actually the correspondence between a young woman and her mentor as she's considering seminary options and is confused as to how they might help her lead in a church setting that is vastly different from that which the seminaries will prepare...this discussion strikes very close to home, and i don't want to rush through it. instead, i'm going to relax for a bit before heading off to work. ...oh, and it's interesting that mcLaren uses the language of 'refugees' to describe Christians who are thinking progressively, as they no longer have a home in traditional church settings and as of yet have no new 'home' into which they can move since the new church movement is not even beyond the drafting stage...it's still all so new that they'll be living in tents for awhile ...yesterday i described myself as feeling homeless... today mcLaren takes me a step further into refugee status.

11:24pm: i'm home from a busy night at work. busy is good in the restaurant business, because it's the only way you make money. and so money i made tonight. anyway, one of the girls i work with asked to hang out with me sometime. i was really surprised about this, since i often feel i would have to tell stories about who i slept with and how trashed i got in order to get any kind of attention. but i've actually started to develop relationships with some of the people there, this girl in particular. she'll ask me to go out and smoke with her and since i never have my own cigarettes, we smoke her menthol newports. and we talk about finding another job or at least starting a business which we can run while we sit bored during slow times (which is most of the time) from the server station in back. or we sit at the bar after work on a friday night and have a drink; her boyfriend of 2 years is out and isn't returning her calls, which drags up the fact that he cheated on her earlier this year... and i listen to the way she loves him but is dealing with the injury from him having cheated; she really does love him, i'm convinced, so it's a tough place to be in... but her strength is wearing thin. i suggest that they talk and they do; he tells her she pulled away, that's why he cheated and she admits that it's true. or we look at art that i bring in and pick out our favorites. she has uterine cancer. i don't know what the prognosis is, but she tries not to think about it too much. and she's excited to go back to school this fall to finish her criminal justice degree so she can go onto law school. mostly we talk about her, unless i'm telling a joke or asking a random question or commenting on the newspaper i'm reading as i fight off boredom...i don't get into personal stuff. and i guess that's why i'm surprised she wants to hang out...like i know her but she really doesn't know me, so why should she trust me? though i know it's because we've bonded in our boredom, i've happend to be present when her relational struggles were at their worst, because i offer a creative and intelligent voice...maybe i need to let her in more. we're going to go to Little Bohemia because we've been joking about starting a necklace and bracelet business to cope emotionally and financially with the lack of restaurant business. and then we'll walk the Grand River boardwalk. i'm scared, but glad.

11:49pm: i have to figure out what to buy my best friend for her first-year anniversary that was at the end of may. i'm a little late, but that's not unusual. papers, plastics and clocks are formally the first-year anniversary gifts. ...hmmm... also, i have friday off from work for the first time in months...must celebrate...but how???

What's your theological worldview?

You scored as Emergent/Postmodern. You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.

Emergent/Postmodern

93%

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

75%

Neo orthodox

57%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

46%

Reformed Evangelical

46%

Modern Liberal

43%

Roman Catholic

39%

Classical Liberal

25%

Fundamentalist

7%


What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

...try it yourself...

http://quizfarm.com/view_user_profile.php?uid=38868

7.05.2005

starburst yahtzee

i woke up this morning needing a long walk to clear my head after a weekend that seemed more like a few weeks than just three days...strange how time warps when our schedules are disturbed. i walked my usual route eastward from my house and was able to pray again, a habit which has been rather touch-and-go over the past...several years. my spiritual health in general has quite accurately mirrored my prayer life, as might be expected. i've probably even been operationally agnostic and highly secularized in my day-to-day living (and by this i mean not that i've made poor choices that have highly detrimental consequences but rather that i've lacked in my desire for and pursuit of goodness). of course, all this in reaction to the stagnant 'evangelical Christianity' i've known. ...anyway, the walk was a step in the right direction.

upon my return i showered and then made my way to search out a professor whom i'm hoping will mentor me over the next year as i apply for grad school in journalism. my search, however, was to no avail as his presence seems to be scarce around campus during the summer months. the receptionist noted that he'd get back to me, but i'd probably have to be a bit patient. [sigh.]

and so i walked again, this time north instead of east. i prayed more and was graced to realize how being part of the Mars Hill community -- recognized as one of a few progressive Christian communities against an otherwise familiar American church landsape -- has left me, as an aspiring Christian leader, vocationally homeless. the seminaries can only prepare me for a career i see now as passe (or at least needing significant redefinition, the pastoral role, i mean), and even if these seminaries could prepare me for the work the church is now needing, there simply aren't other communities out there that would resonate with the thinking i've come to own during my time at Mars. ...and so i as an young Christian leader am homeless. so i think i'll incubate in another career until this movement takes more shape and from it emerges vocational potiential.

what else? my clothes are spread out from my closet like christmas presents spilling out from under a Christmas tree. this phenomenon tends to occur when life is happening either too fast or too sporadically for me to keep in stride with it.

and so for the third walk of the day, mi cuarto de casa (housemate) and i walked to coffee and then stopped by our friends' house. there we discovered them playing yahtzee and eating loads of starbursts. we joined them and i royally lost in yahtzee but managed to down plenty of starburst along the way. ...they make me feel young; she makes me see that i don't put up a good fight, and i wish i did.

other notable mentions: ***g8 starts tomorrow (i'm hoping for the best in trade negotiations, as debt relief and aid may do more to enable than to empower the African nations in their development while fairer trade still requires something and so won't perpetuate the very problem it seeks to alleviate). ***my brother called and needed help working through the death of an acquaintance (i think he called less because i've been through the death thing but more just because i'm his sister; that's what sisters are for). ***i think if i ever get a dog i'll call him yahtzee...great word to yell. just give it a try.

July the Fourth

i'm writing in retrospect on my Fourth of July, 2005. i will provide the day's highlights via a starring-systbem, e.g., ***, in honor of the holiday:
~my brother and i each got a free beer from some random people atop the YWCA building downtown. they were planning to watch the fireworks from there but bailed when it started raining. he and i eventually climbed off the building as well and routed ourselves toward a more conventional location on the Michigan Stree bridge. one star* for the free beer, two stars** for the novel view of downtown.
~is it highly ironic that an irish band was providing the bridge's musical entertainment for the American Fourth of July celebration? one star* for amusement.
~there we met up with friends and decided to bail (again) due to the weather. minus two stars -** for missing out on this year's fireworks.
~during a long run earlier in the afternoon, i stopped by an old friend's house and found he had also stopped by to do last-minute vacuuming and cleaning, as it seems he has recently moved. no one should clean by themselves on a holiday, so i vacuumed his bedroom and closets and swiffered his kitchen. it was good to catch up with him and we have an appointment for later this week to drink beer on his new front porch. five stars***** for reconnecting with an old friend.
~after my long run, my friend dropped me off at home just in time for my brother to stop by and ask me to go for a skate. so i donned my rollerblades and off we went, merrrily gliding along. now, i played hockey (along with my brother) for a number of years, so most of the time we're pretty daring in the routes we take (my favorite is still gliding at 2am down a typically high-traffic drive and feeling delight from my exclusive rights to study the cracks and turns of the road much closer than anyone in day-to-day commutes does). anyway, so my brother and i were out skating and we decided to brave a hill --- long, steep and smooth -- which we probably should not have braved. and so midway down the hill (you can see where this is going), i realized my speed was getting out of control, so i decided to pull a hockey-stop...the road, being well-worn and smooth as i have mentioned, didnt' grip my wheels for long and i knew i was going down. so i stretched out length-wise and slid to a stop. i came out a lot better than i could have, with strawberries on my left elbow and hip and a scraped left thigh. minus three stars -*** for injuries. oh, i also came out with a physical reminder that i had fun over the holiday. that at least counts for something. plus one star ...*