joey lives downstairs. he's four. at this particular moment he's sleeping. not long ago -- before he went to bed -- he was practicing his parenting skills on his three-month-old chocolate lab saying, 'teemu, you're being a NAUGHTY dog!! NAUGHTY dog!' and earlier this afternoon joey and his mom kym were drawing in sidewalk chalk in front of our house. there were assorted family pictures, including teemu the puppy, as well as a variety of superheros. actually, i noticed five superheros. the first was robin from 'batman and robin' and seemed to be unrelated to the rest of the superheroes. these remaining superheros were donatello, raphael, leonardo and michaelangelo, together constituting the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. i'd forgetten these cartoon superturtles even existed...
...and had it not been for the fact that i now live here in this particular part of town on this particular block in this particular house with little joey living dowstairs and playing on the sidewalk out front, i might never have received the review on the TMNTs (die-hard codespeak) i did tonight......and if i were ever to leave grand rapids and return some years later, i wonder what i would remember from my life here. there are many things, i'm sure. i'm sure because many things have happend in my life since i first came to this city. and it has become home to me. there are places in this city i enjoy going to this day. the middle of the pearl street bridge. brandywine for breakfast at dinnertime. the covered bridge in ada where i shot my first film. my secret park where i go to pray. there are also places in this city that i do not go, places where memories are too unsettling or too painful.
...which leads me to the thing that is concerning me tonight. it is this: i've come to the point that i no longer acknowledge those places as part of the grand rapids i know in favor or ignoring them for the sake of emotional stability. but these memories are real and out not be shut out, i decided tonight. so here's to a re-acknowledgement that carpetstains, skyrisers, particular cracks in the sidewalk, roadshine under streetlamps and concrete with little lights imbedded in it somehow seem to move and breathe as living beings. it is in the 108 house that i experienced failed community. it is in the calvin college fieldhouse that i graduated and soon realized my degree didn't prepare me for the work i'm interested in. it is at fuller park that a relationship ended. it is at rosa parks that michael died. and it is here that i am now typing as furiously as possible to distract myself from joey's parents, who are apparently trying to create a new little joey. (do not let the sexual reference distract you from your reading...my experience of litttle joey's parents' sex life has become something very similar to my experience of the furnace kicking in....) so my point is that this city is beginning to have its say with me as i let it be what it is and remind me of what it has been. another move to undo some of the damage that's been done....
